im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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