do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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