if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
