I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I woke up under a house in Key West
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
