and my herpes radar will keep us safe
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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