My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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