Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
