mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
