I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
