Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
