I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
