Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
