I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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