oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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