It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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