apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
