you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
