They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
