Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
