community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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