I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Alive.
So much puke
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
