i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
