How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize