And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ugly people sure do ruin things
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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