Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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