none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
my liver is dry heaving
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
