i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
