insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
