yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
