I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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