when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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