Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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