yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How's work?
Spinning.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
