She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
