why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
