Three words: puerto rican gang bang
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
