I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
