i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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