Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
