I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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