I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
