Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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