Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
