I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
