I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
