I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
