I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
