I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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