the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
