she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i drank out of a bidet.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
