and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
my liver is dry heaving
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
