I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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