Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
