I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Someone came in the potted fern
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
