Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
