so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize