guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
