6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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