I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
