Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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