Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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