guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
