Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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