I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize