party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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