so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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