if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
